Obituary
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Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who has been with us for many years. No one knows for sure how old he was since his birth records were long ago lost in bureaucratic red tape.
He will be remembered as having cultivated such valuable lessons as knowing when to come in out of the rain, why the early bird gets the worm, life isn’t always fair, and maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don’t spend more than you earn) and reliable parenting strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).
His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well intentioned but overbearing regulations were set in place. Reports of a six-year-old boy charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate; teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch; and a teacher fired for reprimanding an unruly student, only worsened his condition.
Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they themselves failed to do in disciplining their unruly children. It declined even further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer Panadol, sun lotion or a Band-Aid to a student but could not inform the parents when a student became pregnant or wanted to have an abortion.
Common Sense lost the will to live as the Ten Commandments became contraband, churches became businesses, and criminals received better treatment than their victims.
Common Sense took a beating when you couldn’t defend yourself from a burglar in your own home and the burglar could sue you for assault.
Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust; his wife, Discretion; his daughter, Responsibility; and his son, Reason. He is survived by three stepbrothers; I Know My Rights, Someone Else is to Blame, and I’m A Victim.
Not many attended his funeral because so few realized he was gone.
If you still remember him, pass this on. If not, join the majority and do nothing.
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EASTER SPECIAL
So… here I am again, unable to get to sleep and with all these thoughts buzzing around my head. Must be the caffeine. Or is it the holydays ? For those of you who don’t really know me, I’m not a big fan of holydays, especially religious ones .That is a polite way of saying I hate their guts. I guess my biggest problem concerning them is that they don’t really make any sense to me. And so I have a few questions about Easter . If any of you know the answer to them, feel free to enlighten this poor observer of the human spirit. So here we go:
- What is the connexion between Jesus, Easter eggs and the Easter bunny?
- Where does the bunny get the eggs from? I’m sure he doesn’t lay them himself. That would be really creepy.
- Why does the bunny carry chocolate eggs? Was there a lot of chocolate around in the time of Jesus?
- Why a basket for the eggs? Why not a briefcase, duffle bag, rucksack wheelbarrow or icebox?
- Why do we pretend that Jesus dies every year? I mean I’m sure it was a traumatic event for the guy. If he ever comes back (and there are those who believe he will) I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t want to be reminded of what we did to him. Maybe that’s why he hasn’t shown up yet: he’s too traumatized to face all these crucifixes we have.
- And the final one: if Jesus was a Hebrew, why is he always depicted as being whiter than a snowman with a bukake fetish (thank you Yatzee).
Alright…I’m done. For those of you who got offended, well…too bad. Feel free to hate about me in your comments. Happy Estrous everyone!
Amon Tobin - Verbal
Best song I’ve heard in the last 6 months! If you don’t have a good sound system, don’t bother ! 